Wednesday, February 5, 2014

.every forty seconds.

��untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide.

around the world almost a million people a year take their own life. that equals one person about every forty seconds. 

every forty seconds? this has me weeping. these are real people. mothers, sons, wives, sisters, fathers, friends, colleagues, husbands, classmates, brothers. i am not a fan of statistics. i find them sterile. BUT - here i think they need to be shared. these are not just numbers. that is a million people. a million precious, beautiful people who could not go on. they didn't know they mattered anymore. i get where they are coming from. i get why they felt this was the best decision. and it breaks my heart.

1 in 4 people will experience depression to some extent in their life. i'm not a math chick, but i know that's a whole heck of a lot of people. and most of them never say a word. so many reasons. so, so, so many different reasons. or their help is minimal.

i often wonder how things would have been different for me had i known how certain people would react. obviously, never in a million years would i have brought them into my pain. i think about it because, well, i lament how things went for me. but more because of the damage done by some of those i most trusted- i try to think how it can be different for women moving forward. 
how can i help women not walk my path? how do i help women get the help they need?
how do i help kill stigma? how do i let women know it is ok to admit it's hard? that's it is normal and fine to fall apart? not fun, but happens. that it is NOT a reflection of their mothering? how do i let them know they are not just lacking faith? they are not just "in sin"? they are not alone? 

i didn't get the help i needed when i needed it. blocked.
so i got worse. so much worse. i wanted to take my life. suicide preoccupied my thoughts. i planned my days around when i could self-harm. and when triggered - i just made the time. i was losing touch with reality. people, this is not normal.and it never had to get to that. never.
(yes, yes, yes - still working through God's sovereignty.)

so, i want my life to help other women not get there. 
resources are available. you are not alone.
first though - if you are in danger, PLEASE call:

800.273.8255 (Lifeline)

every life matters.
yes, yours.

"depression is a lying bastard" has become one of my favorite quotes. 
why? first, it is totally true. lies abound when you are suffering from depression, but you think they are real with all you are. you can't see they are lies.
and second, well, guess who the father of lies is? yeah - someone seeking to devour and destroy. 

depression it too real, too serious, too destructive, too life threatening to ignore.
to not take seriously. 
to excuse away.
to not take action on.

it is hard to advocate for yourself. sometimes impossible when in the valley. people are more than willing to advocate for you. 
you don't have to fight this alone.
it is a lie that it's just you. a lie that it is something to be ashamed of.

and those on the outside, throw out every thought you have of what it looks like. throw out every judgement. realize you can't "fix it". just love like Jesus did, man. because those who jump down in the mire without a second thought and walk through the dark, muddied, bumpy, painful road are the ones. 
yes, those are the ones. 
the ones who help fight against the one every forty seconds. 


  1. Did my comment just get chewed up and spit out?

  2. ummm…. i didn't even see another comment from you. :(