(this post could be triggering)
this is a difficult post to write.
see, the topics are beyond unsavory.
it is a lot easier to pretend they don't exist.
but... these are often - in many differing ways - part of postpartum depression.
so in not talking about them, it is not serving women at all.
in fact it is harmful.
women with ppd need honest, real help.
need openness the most on the hardest things to discuss.
ppd has quite the spectrum.
thoughts of or participating in self-harm are on the more severe side.
obviously.
thoughts of or attempts of suicide are also on the more severe end.
but they exist.
and need to be out in the open.
otherwise, the lies that it is just you will have room to take serious root.
and take root they will.
"i want to die."
"my family will be better off without me."
"my children deserve a better mother."
very common ppd thoughts.
who knew?
i didn't.
it starts there and can escalate.
escalate to suicidal ideation.
or self harm thoughts.
then...
real planning.
and then...
action.
in looking for resources one thing that has severely disappointed me is the lack of "christian" resources.
NOT at all because i think "christians" do it better.
um, no.
they don't.
but seriously - if christians are called to be the hands & feet of Jesus - that includes the nasty, heart breaking, ugly, grieving things.
especially these things.
so, churches, take note.
you need to do more.
heck, just do something.
and not just for women with ppd, but for anyone & everyone suffering regarding these topics.
if you are not receiving help or are in need of talking - there are people available.
suicide hotlines:
1.800.SUICIDE (800.784.2433)
1.800.442.HOPE (800.442.4673)
suicide online crisis center:
IMALIVE
postpartum depression hotline:
1.800.PPDMOMS (800.773.6667)
self-harm hotline:
1.800.DONTCUT (800.366.8288)
i know anxiety & paranoia play a part in talking though.
trust me.
i know.
it is awful.
i'm all flipping out in my head writing this actually.
telling someone your thoughts can be beyond horrifying to even consider.
much less actually do...
but you have to.
and if that person doesn't listen - tell someone else.
and if that person doesn't believe you - tell someone else.
oh my do i know it is freaking hard!
especially when you are not believed.
you feel destroyed.
but - do it anyway.
one day i'd love to share my full story.
i'm still in the middle of it.
so i just can't.
but i know all the ugly, grieving, gory, boring & ever so common details can & will be used one day to help other ladies.
in the meantime, let's all start having real conversations.
shall we?
no more shame!
no more stigma!
self-harm is real amongst people.
not just teens.
which the stigma seems to promote it is just a teen thing.
????
nope.
self harm can be cutting, pinching, hitting, etc.
thinking of suicide & attempting suicide is real.
these things are not just cries for attention.
and never ever in a million years should you tell someone struggling with these things when they open up to you that they are just struggling with sin.
no.
God made us so beautifully complex.
our minds are so crazy awesome complicated.
and (i believe) our bodies, minds & souls are interconnected.
there is a light even if we cannot see it right now...
the people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
a light has dawned.
Isaiah 9:2
Thanks for writing about this, friend. I know it took so much courage and energy. May MANY be helped and equipped to help by your words.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a mother and as such havent deal with PPD but depression none the less.
ReplyDeleteThankyou so much for saying what so few say which is that Self Harm is not just a Teenage issue, a phase etc, but real amongst PEOPLE. Young, old, teen, married, parent, whoever. I know it is probably more prevalent in teenagehood, but I wish there were people willing and open to talk about it as adult and furthermore as balanced, gracious Christians. I've searched high and low for Christian blogs or communities that discuss this issue as adults and there is a serious lack. I guess I can't be too disappointed because I won't speak up on it myself. The stigma is thick.
There's lots of stuff aimed at telling teenagers, "this is a teenage problem, it's a sin, don't do it, God loves you, grow out of it" more or less. And the shame.. But not a lot of thoughtful discussion beyond that. But in any case, thank you for being a voice on this.
most excellent and true. It's super humbling for me when I confess thoughts of self harm to my hubby and close friends - but so freeing too to find there isn't any temptation that is not common to man (double negative but you know what I mean). thanks for the transparency - it's refreshing and very helpful. this is my song on repeat in my head so much when i seriously consider self harm "when satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him there who made an end of all my sin"
ReplyDelete