(this post could be triggering)
this is a difficult post to write.
see, the topics are beyond unsavory.
it is a lot easier to pretend they don't exist.
but... these are often - in many differing ways - part of postpartum depression.
so in not talking about them, it is not serving women at all.
in fact it is harmful.
women with ppd need honest, real help.
need openness the most on the hardest things to discuss.
ppd has quite the spectrum.
thoughts of or participating in self-harm are on the more severe side.
thoughts of or attempts of suicide are also on the more severe end.
but they exist.
and need to be out in the open.
otherwise, the lies that it is just you will have room to take serious root.
and take root they will.
"i want to die."
"my family will be better off without me."
"my children deserve a better mother."
very common ppd thoughts.
it starts there and can escalate.
escalate to suicidal ideation.
or self harm thoughts.
in looking for resources one thing that has severely disappointed me is the lack of "christian" resources.
NOT at all because i think "christians" do it better.
but seriously - if christians are called to be the hands & feet of Jesus - that includes the nasty, heart breaking, ugly, grieving things.
especially these things.
so, churches, take note.
you need to do more.
heck, just do something.
and not just for women with ppd, but for anyone & everyone suffering regarding these topics.
if you are not receiving help or are in need of talking - there are people available.
suicide online crisis center:
postpartum depression hotline:
i know anxiety & paranoia play a part in talking though.
it is awful.
i'm all flipping out in my head writing this actually.
telling someone your thoughts can be beyond horrifying to even consider.
much less actually do...
but you have to.
and if that person doesn't listen - tell someone else.
and if that person doesn't believe you - tell someone else.
oh my do i know it is freaking hard!
especially when you are not believed.
you feel destroyed.
but - do it anyway.
one day i'd love to share my full story.
i'm still in the middle of it.
so i just can't.
but i know all the ugly, grieving, gory, boring & ever so common details can & will be used one day to help other ladies.
in the meantime, let's all start having real conversations.
no more shame!
no more stigma!
self-harm is real amongst people.
not just teens.
which the stigma seems to promote it is just a teen thing.
self harm can be cutting, pinching, hitting, etc.
thinking of suicide & attempting suicide is real.
these things are not just cries for attention.
and never ever in a million years should you tell someone struggling with these things when they open up to you that they are just struggling with sin.
God made us so beautifully complex.
our minds are so crazy awesome complicated.
and (i believe) our bodies, minds & souls are interconnected.
there is a light even if we cannot see it right now...
the people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
a light has dawned.