algebraic formulas.
i have zero idea what the heck any of it means.
and my grades from back in the day in algebra 1 & algebra 2 back me up - i'm clueless.
when some people try to apply formulas to people, i'm even more clueless.
if you do these 5 things- you will be patient with your children!
if you stop sinfully comparing yourself - no more postpartum depression!
if you just baby-wise your kid - they will sleep thru the night by 5 days old!
it can seem life is some big infomercial.
everyone has diagnosed your problem for you & they know the answer!
kel, just (a-b)2 = a2 - 2ab+b2 and you'll be all better. duh!
i mean, you know that is utter crap, right?
life is complex.
and this is a fallen world.
now, some things are simple.
of course.
and some observations about us are spot on.
some solutions offered are perfect.
but - really.
formulas do not apply to people.
there is no one answer.
God made us a delightful, crazy mix of emotions, hormones.
there in layers in situations.
there is no guaranteed fix to anything this side of heaven.
and what works for you may not work for me.
our families are different.
our strengths and gifts and weaknesses are different.
we minimize God's glory in His design of people when we push for formulas.
a one size fits all does not work in clothes.
why do some think it works in parenting, weight loss, depression?
***
feel like i need to stop & say this here.
i have seen & heard some try to apply "formulas" to situations that are, well, just horrific.
it minimizes the thing that happened & focuses too much (in my opinion) on the one "wronged".
it is NOT OK if your husbands hits, kicks, verbally assaults you, etc...
it is NOT OK if you have been sexually molested, assaulted, raped...
it is NOT OK if your parent is abusing you or a sibling in any way...
it is NOT OK if you spouse is cheating on you...
and there are so many other things that are NOT OK.
and you do not have to be ok with them.
God is grieved over these things.
lady, please oh please reach out if you are walking through any of these or something like it.
and run from people who tell you any of this is your fault.
and run from people who try to apply a formula so to your situation.
there are people who are able & willing to truly walk with you & care for you.
i hear way too often of formulas being offered to women in these horrific situations & the effects are devastating.
you are not a formula.
you are loved.
bought with a price.
redeemed.
***
i have found women with and without ppd are not served by the pushing of these formulas.
in fact, quite the opposite - can lead to discouragement, guilt, condemnation.
and here is a secret -
the people spouting out formulas: THEY DO NOT HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT.
may look that way, but it is not true.
*homeschool + church every sunday + consistent training + yadda yadda yadda does not = saved kid.
*getting up at 5am to read your Bible & pray + only listening to "praise music" + giving your kids room time + having planning times does not = peaceful mom.
*date night every wednesday + making your hubby lunch everyday + whatever does not = perfect marriage.
life doesn't work this way.
and it is ok.
i'm not seeing these kinds of formulas in the Bible, ya know?
the Bible doesn't give a step-by-step, magical "how to" on being a patient momma.
why?
well, my thought - God knows we are all different.
um, He made us.
it's one of the true beautiful aspects of being human - the differences in us all.
we were made different on purpose.
delight in it.
no more trying to make step-ford wives or robot children.
no more to treating people like they are an algebraic formula.
i am not, no, never ever, totally not a fan of postpartum depression.
but i am a fan of having my eyes opened to things.
a fan of embracing that i don't fit certain molds.
a fan of learning my boldness (aka big mouth) can be used for speaking out on behalf of women suffering.
a fan of yelling out, "postpartum depression is a very real, dark thing. care & love well the women walking through it as well as their families. & for realz - stop making it worse!"
i know that principals are needed & there are many a + b = c in scripture. & i'm all about that. that's not what i'm talking about here, k?
love this! you totally hit the mark with this post!
ReplyDeleteIt's so much, easier, in some ways, to believe that everything can be fixed by a formula. I understand why we fall prey to this mindset. It's harder, less comfortable, to have to wade through uncertainty and mystery and not having any answers. But it leaves us leaning heavily on the Lord and waiting for Him to work, which in the long run is far sweeter than knowing what formula to prescribe for everything.
ReplyDeleteStill, I have to confess that I would often welcome a formula to help me with the conundrums of parenting... Lord have mercy!