dearest little muffin,
8 months ago today you drew your first breath.
i was finally able to hold you.
kiss you.
see what you looked like.
introduce you to your sisters.
tell you a million times over, "i love you."
stare at you while you slept.
watch your amazing, proud daddy hold you.
you are a joy.
it seems strange in so many ways that you have not been with us longer.
you just "fit".
and i am so glad you are a part of our family.
i am so glad you are a girlie.
one of "the sisters".
seeing your older 3 sissies draw you into their little club is precious.
a highlight of my days is seeing their relationships with you develop.
you are so loved.
so wanted.
dearest baby, something went wrong inside momma the day you breathed your first.
and it has been a very hard, dark journey these 8 months.
this past week being especially difficult.
but i'd walk this path time & time again.
you are my daughter and i love you.
you are worth it.
and this is not your fault.
so if you ever read this...
know these things.
you are a gift.
and i am so very glad God chose to make you ours.
xoxo
momma
ps - mommas out there, if you wouldn't walk this road again. if you wish you were not a momma - you are not a horrible person. not even close. ppd is brutal. brutal. brutal. don't you ever think, precious momma, that you are less of a momma for how you are feeling. just wanted to add that in. no condemnation to you in this. xo
Thank you for sharing your journey! I had no idea about "baby blues" and mine came after my first... it took another sister who had walked through them to help me to realize I wasn't alone, to teach me how to grapple with guilt and find grace... to see God in the midst. This journey you're on will help so many women find their way. May God bless every sweet step. He who walked dark valleys alone, so we wouldn't have too. (We could KNOW this truth even when our feelings would challenge it!)
ReplyDeleteKel... loves. Just loves to you, beautiful friend.
ReplyDelete